The Style Stork

Well, our little Camille is 1 month old.  She is particular like her daddy, dramatic like her mommy, and sweet, sweet, sweet like her brother! Of course, we are smitten!

But…I am struck at how much harder the transition to two is!  All of my friends with multiple babes must be troopers, because I don’t remember any of them struggling or complaining very often!  Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t change a thing and we are SO SO thankful for this precious little gift, but, whew, this is hard.  It’s sort of like all the things no one tells you about giving birth…a girl needs a heads up on this transition from one to two!  So here is my list of 10 things I wish I had known…

1. You will feel torn trying to respond to multiple needs.The hardest part for me was not being able to pick up Gray and hold him, especially when he got sick and spiked a fever the first week home (apparently you can’t lift more than a few pounds after labor…I missed this tip the first time around).

2. The lack of sleep is SO.MUCH.WORSE. Napping during the day while the baby naps? That is a cruel joke!

3. Don’t expect your experience to be the same…labor and delivery were so different for me (i.e. longer and more painful) than the first time around and Millie is a completely different baby already than Gray was. We also had a totally different level of help the first go round. I think this is in part because of first born excitement AND we lived closer to family. But, I am pretty sure someone was holding and entertaining Gray every moment for his first month of life. (Meaning, attachment needs were being easily met). This time we have had less visitors and I find it really difficult to hold her as much while trying to attend to Gray, the house, etc. I am experimenting with using the sling and baby bjorn more now…hopefully that will help!

4. Different children will have different personalities, needs, schedules and they may need different parenting.  Gray was such an easy and good baby…any hopes of attributing that to our excellent parenting skills have completely diminished..it was just the way God made him!

5. While your oldest may struggle at first (Gray quit sleeping through the night for a week and started misbehaving) he or she WILL adjust and seeing them be so sweet and engaging with their sibling will just break your heart. I have loved watching Gray engage with Millie and even try to comfort her at times when she has cried.

6. It is SO much harder to transition to two than I thought it would be (especially with Millie being colicky) BUT it is so worth it. Especially when I think about all the tragedy among us that we have no control over like Sandy Hook or this heart breaking story of such a precious little girl it, makes me so grateful for my sweet family…even in the most difficult moments.

7.  You may never get anything done in a timely manner again. Case in point: it has taken me two weeks to type this post.

(Not to mention all the calls/emails I need to write, dissertation to complete, cleaning, etc).

8. You will be so grateful for any help, meals, etc. I didn’t think we would need them, but meals from some very gracious friends and even just acquaintances (since we are still new to the Burgh) have totally saved us. It has been humbling to see how helpful our new friends have been, and even some old ones from the South taking such good care of us! I will say though, next time a friend has a second (or third, etc) baby, I think I will send a cleaning lady along with a meal!

9. The transition to two may strain your marriage a bit more. When we had our first, it was the most romantic thing in the world. The transition to the second has been much more difficult. Even with Tyler home for the first six weeks (got to love the schedule of a professor!) I miss him so much! He has been beyond helpful but it also feels like we haven’t had any quality time together in forever. I miss my sweet man!

10. It is okay if you don’t have it together. My house has never been messier, I am feeling good if I even get a shower in (forget make up) and the thought of worrying about losing the baby weight didn’t even cross my mind until she hit the one month mark (with Gray I thought about it within 24 hours of giving birth)!

But, with all this said, I find being a wife and mother to be the most delightful thing, it requires so much more of me than I ever anticipated but I would gladly lay down my life for these little ones. Gray’s sweet hugs and deep belly laughs, Millie’s first smiles and coos…it all just makes my heart and life feel so full.

Ps- I have heard the transition to two is the hardest…so don’t be afraid to go for a third! (or more)!